Artichokes and Pizza
Donuts, macarons, Pop Rocks, artichokes, pizza and salsa.
You’re probably thinking that these foods don’t seem to go together. And you’d be right – they don’t. However, when it came time to write a speech for my sister’s wedding you can bet that they all played a part.
I never make anything easy. I could have quite easily written a simple speech highlighting love and mutual respect, but that felt too simple. My first idea was to make a stop motion video of my kids and myself going to all of my favourite food stops back in Richmond with signs giving wedding advice. However, I didn’t come up with this idea until five days before the wedding. My husband assured me that there was no possible way we (he) could get this filmed, edited and produced in time. Ok fine, I say. Let’s not dwell on this amazing idea which will become lost to the ages. The hours were ticking down and I still had no speech written.
So then it hits me; I can take my marriage advice and combine it with food items! And I will use props! Everyone loves a good prop! Except for my husband (Editors note: I love props but in the right context.)…but I persevered anyways!
For my speech, I took each of the food items that correlated to my speech and put them in bags that were then handed out to six different tables. Some people hate being involved with public speakers but I decided to ignore that and harness the power of audience participation! When I called out each number on the bags someone at the table opened the bag, told the room what was inside, and then I gave my marriage advice inspired by that food. As a bonus, they got to keep whatever they pulled out of the bag!
My speech went over very well, at least from where I was standing so I thought I would share the advice that I gave my sister. Here it goes; my top six pieces of marriage advice based on some of my favourite foods.
Donut go to bed in the middle of a fight.
In the morning, no one likes eating a donut that was half-eaten the night before. It is stale and unsatisfying. It’s always better to eat the entire thing in one go. You can finish it in the morning or another day but the stale and unpleasant nature of it is only going to grow. That’s exactly what it’s like to go to bed in the middle of a fight: you always think it will be fine in the morning or that the problem will go away but it never does…it just gets worse.
Protect each other’s reputation.
Macarons are amazing. They are slightly firm on the outside with a wonderful soft centre. When you protect each other’s reputation in public you are protecting their soft middle. By building each other up you are mutually protecting the marriage that you are trying to grow.
3. Pop Rocks
Be each other’s biggest cheerleader.
Leading on from the macarons, no one can tear down or build up a person like their spouse. In getting married you are each other’s biggest cheerleader in their successes, endeavours, dreams, desires.
Be each other’s safe space.
This one won’t make sense right away. However, my sister’s favourite food is pizza so if there was ever a safe space for her it would be with her husband and a pizza. Always be the one that your spouse can feel safe with. Feel safe enough to be completely themselves with, to share their dreams with, to share their fears with, to be silly with, to be sad with and never find ridicule.
Look at the motives underneath.
When you argue or when the other person does something seemingly unkind, try to look at what could be causing that. Like an artichoke, the meat of the situation is underneath. Peel back the layers to see why they’re doing what they’re doing instead of jumping to the conclusion that the other person just doesn’t get you. There’s usually a reason hidden deep down.
6. Mexican Food
Be slow to blame the other person.
One of the biggest pieces of advice I can give is to look at your own faults before that of your spouse. When you want to react in anger, like a spicy salsa, try to be more like a medium salsa: slow to rise to the fight and maybe not even rise at all. Step back, look at your own actions, apologise for your own, and then calmly understand what the other person is trying to communicate. Many arguments can be avoided by putting the other person first.
So that was my marriage advice! I don’t often do a lot of public speaking but when I do it’s always so much fun (I’d really love to do more)! This marriage advice is not just for the newlyweds like my sister. I know that in our marriage my husband and I could both do to be reminded of some of these points sometimes. Marriages change, bad habits form but, ultimately, the most important thing to remember is that you’re on the same team.
And now some photos from the day after session I did with my sister and her husband! We went to this amazing hidden location and did these photos as fast as possibly could because we were dyyyying from heat. And ticks. And mosquitos. But you’d never know!