#1 Marriage Advice

ABERDEENSHIRE, SCOTLAND MOTHERHOOD AND LIFESTYLE BLOGGER

 

I’m just going to come out and say it. 

One of my biggest pet peeves is when the toilet seat is left up. Okay? Can we all just agree that it should be returned to the seated position when said deed is done? It really just boils down to simple math! Not a fan of statements with no substance? I got your back. 

Let’s divide up usage by percentages. Women and men have two main reasons to go to the bathroom – since we’re children we’ll just call it #1 and #2 (I also really don’t want search engines to pick up my blog based on those words 😂). So let’s say that 50% of the time it’s for #1 and 50% for #2. A woman uses the toilet with the seat down 100% of the time. A man uses it down 50% of the time. Therefore, the toilet seat needs to be down 75% of the time for the general population so WHY DOES IT REMAIN UP?! 

Now, I am blessed to say that I have a husband who respects this percentage and is very considerate. To be honest, it was never a huge issue in our household. But other things were. My husband and I have gone through quite the role reversal since we got married over eight years ago (I know we have a ways to go). When we got married we were both a bit messy. Then I became the clean one. Then he became the clean one. Now we’re about equal but he’s probably more uptight about the house than I am. This issue has caused so many arguments – and still does. 

We sometimes fight about stupid things that really don’t matter in the long run. I get mad that he stacks clean dishes on the counter instead of just putting them straight away. He gets mad that I leave shoes all over the house. We can’t win it all. 

Each relationship has its own pitfalls and struggles. It’s inevitable! Every relationship will absolutely have problems because we are broken people. But here’s the top thing that I’ve learned in our marriage so far. We’ve learned so many lessons but this one is by far one of the biggest ones that you’ll hear me speak about. 

Learn how to fight well. 

It seems like I should be saying: be kind, be patient, don’t fight, look past the mistake. But let’s be real for a second. In the heat of the moment, it’s very hard to remember those things, isn’t it? As much as we would wish otherwise, fights will happen. Arguments will take place. I think once you accept that arguing is normal in relationships you can begin to have more fruitful and loving arguments that will eventually lead to less fights. Sound counter intuitive? 

There are times when my husband and I argue a lot. And one thing I started noticing is that we would fall into some common trends. 

  1. Trying to make sure the other person KNEW they were wrong. 
  2. Using blanket statements. Ie) you always do xyz. 
  3. Looking at the other person’s mistakes as worse than our own. 

Here’s where it all turned around for us. It took one of us – just one – to decide that instead of going down this same path in every argument, we would step back, pray for wisdom, and really analyse whether we had also done something wrong in this situation. Was there a chance – even a small one – that we were also in the wrong? One day I decided to make this change and it’s wildly changed the way we argue. 

When I stop to look at my own actions and motivations humility allows me to accept the possibility that I may have had some role to play in the other person’s frustrations. When I step back I can sympathise so much easier with what the other person is saying and not become immediately defensive. I won’t say I’m perfect in this but it has to start with one person deciding in the heat of the moment that they will choose to love the other person more than they love the thought of their own triumph. 

Next time you find yourself heating up and you know that an argument is about to ensue, choose to look beyond yourself and see the hurt in the other person before your own. In doing this you will learn how to fight well and in the long run both of you will begin to look at the other person first before the argument can even begin. Choose to love because it’s so much better than fighting.

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