To all the friends I left behind

Aberdeen, Scotland Lifestyle Blogger

I live between two worlds: a world of dreams and a world of longing. They are worlds that sadly cannot exist without the other. They are the only worlds I’ve ever known and I’ve only ever known them to go hand in hand.

If you were to ask me what the one thing is that I’ve prayed for for so long I would tell you this: friends. For some of you reading this, you’re going, “What? That’s it?” And for me writing this I’m going, “How could it not be?!” For some, friendships wouldn’t even be on their prayer list because they come naturally or they’ve had the same friends for years. I envy you!

I envy my mother-in-law who has had the same friends for so many years. I want that. I’ve always wanted that. But I’ve never had it.

My world of longing.

Now don’t get me wrong, of course I have friends! I have wonderful friends whom I love but I also know that most of them have stayed in the same place most of their lives so their friendships go way back. And it’s just harder making friends as an adult! Am I wrong?

I am forever grateful for the life I’ve led. I could never imagine stripping away the things I’ve experienced living abroad for so many years. It’s been a life of experiencing things people dream about. I get to live out my dreams. How could I ever desire otherwise?

But what you don’t see in everyone who’s living their best lives are the things they’ve had to give up or are still giving up. For me, that’s been long term friendships. I’ve had to say goodbye to so many amazing people over the years and it’s still painful – even the friends I said goodbye to nearly twenty years ago are almost as painful now as they were then. The pain never goes away but is eventually replaced with an acceptance of continual loss.

I treasure my life. You should treasure your life and your journey. However, before you look at someone and envy who they are or what they have, remember that everyone has to give up something in order to be where they are.

I wish I could convince my friends to all move to Scotland. That would be amazing! But I know I can’t so every day I live with little feelings of loss alongside the feeling of knowing I’m exactly where I need to be.

So to my friends that I’ve left behind, I mourn our distance. I’m excited to watch your lives grow and the adventures you go on from afar. I’m just sad that I can only be a small part.

Love forever.

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