Wednesday Wonderings - no. 2
Gosh guys it's been a tough week. Yes, every week that I've been separated from my family has been a tough one but it honestly gets easier as time goes on. However, this week has been tougher than the rest in one specific way. What do you do when you feel like the world is moving on without you? What do you do when you feel left out? What do you do when you feel forgotten about? Man, I've been struggling with those questions this week.
How do you stay positive and happy for people who are succeeding at life and you aren't? How do you celebrate others when you just want a little celebration for yourself? It's hard! Boy, is it hard. Once I come out the other side on this I'm sure I'll have a little more insight but for now here's what I know....
So right now everyone around me is accomplishing great things. I have family members buying houses and moving into new houses. I have friends announcing pregnancies and having babies. I know others that are starting dance teacher certifications. I know my sister in law that's placed second in the world for Highland Dance again. I have dear friends that are moving back to their home state. I have friends who are accomplishing wonderful things in their businesses. I know others that are traveling. I know so many people that are just knocking it out of the park with their accomplishments and I'm so "happy" for them!
Why the quotes? Isn't happiness such a mixed bag of feelings sometimes? Yes, I am genuinely excited and happy and proud of these people and their accomplishments. And yet, there's still that part of me that's jealous and sad and feeling left out. What do you do with that? How is it that they can have so much success while I'm sitting here feeling like I have none?
But guys, that's a lie that we tell ourselves. I was recently talking to my best friend about this and admitted to her that I'm jealous of how far her business has come in such a short amount of time. I expressed that my business is not where I wish it was this far in and that I often feel like a failure. But you know what? She responded with the things that she's jealous of about ME like my ability to cook, my workout ethos, my own photographic abilities, my faith, and my ability to connect to the world in ways she can't. It was a good slap in the face. How selfish of me to dismiss the amazing things about myself for one very small area. How selfish of me to look beyond my other accomplishments and feel like I've been left out of life and left out of achieving anything big.
But isn't that so easy to do? Right now in my life I'm at a weird period of transition: my Virginia business has stopped, my UK business hasn't yet started, I'm living with my grandparents, I don't have a car, I'm living out of suitcases that I've had packed for weeks and weeks, friends are moving on, I have nothing left to do on my to-do list. It's really weird. The world is revolving fast around me but my own little area is still. My life is quiet. And so it's easy for me to look at this and deem myself a failure for not being insanely busy. Yet, as my sweet friend said, maybe the time for busy-ness in my business has not yet come because it's not the right time. Gaaahhhhhhh that's not what I want to hear! She's right of course but it's still hard to hear!
When I feel that life is too quiet God's saying, enjoy the rest. When I feel like my business is unappreciated God's saying, I send you the people who value you. When I feel useless, God's saying, those sweet babies need you. When I feel disappointed with life's course, God's saying just you wait until you see what I have planned for you next.
So friends, if you feel left behind and forgotten about or feel like you are useless to the world right now, I so get you. I do. But don't be as selfish as I've been and discount the many amazing things that make you you even if one part of your life isn't going as planned. Be happy for those who are achieving things that you wish you were because your journey is totally unique and being happy for others' success makes it so much easier to rejoice in your own hardship at the moment.