Aberdeen, Scotland Family Photography
Wow! I can't believe I've only been in Scotland for four weeks! It's crazy to think of everything that has happened since I've been here that is making time drag by wonderfully slow. I was immediately thrown into a life that was already moving without me and I had no choice but to slot myself in and start running beside it. It's like trying to run and jump into a moving car. You have to find the right rhythm and speed otherwise you'll run too fast or too slow and you'll miss that sweet spot for jumping in.
Since I've been back I've had to adjust to taking my daughter to school everyday while trying not to be late. Not a difficult task if you're around for the first day of school. But I didn't know her school schedule, when she had show and tell or that there was even a school handbook when I arrived so there were times when I felt like everyone was looking down on me (I'm sure they weren't). I have forgotten to respond to important emails and when I do respond I've responded with the wrong information. I have accidentally picked her up late. I've not known what her teacher was talking about when she would ask me questions about things because I was absent for all of the initial information. Failure mommy moments.
And then I've jumped in head first into my business here trying to lay the ground work for when I'm here permanently. While I've met so many amazing people so far sometimes it has meant that along with juggling everything else that I've been bad at communicating with some people or not been able to give my work the attention it deserves. I have such huge dreams and desires for my business and when I make mistakes it makes me question my abilities. Bad business woman moments.
We're trying to figure out how we juggle our time between Scott working two jobs and starting his game company, having two kids, having family three miles down the road, a baby with all of his teeth coming in at once, needing to light fires and keep the fire lit to have heat in our house, keeping Isla's school schedule, learning how to drive in this country again, trying to keep running when I can when I can't take Milo with me because the trail is too bumpy and the roads too skinny, trying to establish my business, blogging....the list goes on!
In the midst of this I have felt so many failure moments: failure as a mom, a business woman, a wife, a friend, a runner...
I KNOW that I am none of these things.
I KNOW that I am not the failure that I speak over myself.
I KNOW that these words I say to myself are soul destroying and that if I let them, will define how I see myself.
I KNOW and CHOOSE to know that I am so amazingly created and that my struggles at the moment mean that I have to choose to cover myself in grace. I have to choose to speak gracious words over myself, my life, my abilities.
Yesterday, I decided that Isla and I would begin learning Bible verses together. I want her to have a store of verses in her heart that she and I can draw from in the midst of struggle that will either comfort or convict. When I don't have the words to correct her behavior I want to be armed with words from Jesus that are far better than my own.
For Isla I chose to start simple with a classic verse that is perfect for living a life of love. Not only do I want to teach her about Jesus but I want to instill in her a desire to love the world and what that love should look that. So the verse I chose is simply "Love is patient and kind." Perfect right? I want her to learn that loving means being patient with others and that loving others is simply about being kind.
But today it hit me that this verse is not only about how I love others, it's also about how I love myself. Love is patience with myself. Love is kindness to myself. When I feel like I keep messing up with life lately, I need to be patient with myself. When I feel like a failure and tell myself that I am, I need to reverse that and speak words of kindness. Hard to do right? However, if we want to love others through patience and kindness it has to begin with ourselves. How can someone that's constantly being told she's a failure and a bad mom and a bad wife and a bad photographer be equipped to cover others in love?
Food for thought today.
Be PATIENT with yourself as you grow.
Be KIND to yourself for you are so incredibly beautiful and special.