Aberdeen, Scotland Family Photographer
Friends, I need to be honest.
I’m scared. I get scared a lot. Five years ago you’d never find me being scared. I can vividly remember the dreaming and the conversations of things I wanted to do and places I wanted to go that were anything but safe. I wanted to live and I wanted to live big. I wanted to be a front-line world changer.
But then that all changed. TRUST me when I say that my heart, mind, and soul still gushes over with the endless possibilities of how I can be used most effectively during my time on earth. My heart still yearns to do bigger things than I could ever fathom or dream of. I was not built for small things. I mean, I grew up living overseas and travelling to far off places. It's in my blood.
So when I discovered I was pregnant in 2012 my world flipped. And I don’t just mean a little flip. I mean a full, surfacing whale flip. All of the dreams I thought I had seemed to crash around me and their gaping hole slowly filled with fear. If you’re a parent you might just know exactly what I’m talking about. Fear that I never knew existed arose within my heart making me fear this very world I was born to love.
Instead of happily hopping in the car for a day away from my kids, I find myself praying for protection. Instead of embracing life’s next big adventure, I find myself secretly hoping to just stay home. Where I once flung the doors open wide hoping the wind would take me anywhere but here, I find myself closing the doors and drawing the shades - no one home here.
With the birth of my children I have been faced with my own fears of them losing me and me losing them. Silly isn’t it? It’s completely out of my control! But the love for your children completely consumes every fiber of who you are and makes you scared that the world around you will burst that little love bubble you live in. At the same time that you are living your greatest journey, you are so fearful of that journey; alongside complete joy is complete fear.
I know, you’re probably sitting there thinking, geez, Kendall, way to bring my day down! I even contemplated whether I should publish this post because of the complete and utter transparency into my deepest thoughts this post brings. But here’s the thing: I know…I KNOW…that there is someone else out there reading this that knows exactly how I feel. They know what it’s like to love so deeply that the thought of loss makes you weep. They know what it’s like to love so deeply that it’s easier to put yourself aside for the sake of preserving what you have in this moment. But, my fellow fearfuls, that’s the saddest thing we can do with this life.
I want to teach my kids that this life is meant to be lived BOLDLY. I want to teach my kids that fear should never ever win. I want to teach my kids that this world needs them to be brave.
This world needs you to be brave.
This world needs me to be brave.
One thing I’ve realized in the past few days during one of my many car ride conversations with God is that the thing I’m most fearful of is leaving my kids without a legacy. Yet, what I’ve realized is that in every blog post I write, in every entry into my journal, in every photo I take, in every letter I write that my story is written everywhere. Without a shadow of a doubt, my kids will know that I love them beyond measure and that I lived a big, big life.
This world is too precious and our time too short to waste it being fearful.
Be bold. Be brave. Be front-line world changers.