Aberdeen, Scotland Family Photographer
"Mommy, I did a big poop!"
"Ok, I'll be there in just a minute."
"Yes, I know. I'll be there in a minute. I can't do everything at once."
...head to the bathroom...
"You didn't even poop! I'm not wiping you if you just peed!"
...she laughs. I walk back to the kitchen...
"Mommy! I did a big poop and a little poop!"
"No you didn't. I just looked."
...walk back to the bathroom...
Are you kidding me? Why? WHY would you make me walk all the way back to the bathroom when you haven't gone and then wait for me to get all the way back to the kitchen and THEN decide you are going to go and then call me back in?! WHYYYYY???
That's how today has gone. I've cooked and baked with one arm because my son wouldn't let me put him down. all. day. I shouted at my kids as one scootered on top of the other. The brownies I made weren't cooked all the way through when I thought they were and so broke in half when I tried to tip them out and I had to put them back in the oven two more times because I kept thinking they were done. My son put his foot in his poop. My daughter fake cried about everything at least once an hour. My son ate whatever food he found on the floor. I didn't shower.
It was just one of those days. I was in constant pity party celebration mode. Anyone have those days where you just want to wallow in pity because it's just easier than getting out of your foul mood?
...Yeah me too.
It wasn't until my daughter asked me if she could wash the dishes that I realized I was being unnecessarily harsh. I wish I could say that that made me snap out of my mood and the rest of the day was all sunshine but it wasn't. As I watched her wash the dishes I was struck by how beautiful and sweet and grown she is. That underneath those whiny, back-talking, dramatic moments is this tender and overly loving young lady. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And in that moment I noticed how delicate her curls are, how big her feet have gotten, how lean and long her legs are and it made me angry over the earlier moments I wasted being mad.
I try my very best every single day to live my life so that each day is worth something. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes after my kids are in bed I wish that I could go back and un-yell those words I yelled. I wish I could go back and spend more time cuddling. I wish I could go back and let go of caring about the mess that might be made if I let her bake or clean. Sometimes it's hard to be that superwoman mom when your arms hurt from carrying a child, when your body is so full of knots from stress and tiredness, when you are tired of hearing any sort of noise. Anyone out there hear me?
I get you. I get your struggles. I have them myself WAY more often than not. But amidst my foul mood I try to breathe deep and remember that the way I speak, act and love my children is the behavior that I am modeling for them. That's such a huge responsibility isn't it?!
I had a less than stellar mommy moment today when I asked my daughter in a condescending tone what was wrong with her. Her face was ashamed and anguished as she said she didn't know. Thinking about it now my heart is breaking that I spoke to her in that way but I was mad at her for, yet again, falling on top of her brother while using her scooter in the house. I know she doesn't hold it against me and went on with her day loving me like she always does but I know that in that moment I modeled behavior that I never want her to copy. But man it's hard to stop my mouth sometimes in those moments. Again, anyone hear me?
I need to do better and be better in those moments of tiredness and anger. No one likes to admit when they've failed but I know that pretty much every mom reading this deals with these same struggles and I just want you to know that YOU are doing an absolutely fantastic job with your kids. You may be haggard and un-showered but YOU are the bees knees to your kids. You might have yelled today and lost your you-know-what but YOU are better than superwoman because you are real and loved and called mommy. Superwoman ain't got nothing on you because you are Supermom and that is SO much cooler.
So, ladies, keep on chuggin' knowing that you are ah-mazing and that you are so not alone in those dark moments!